i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'm like, not good at living.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
