just come out here and I will go home with you...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
