Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
