I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
