I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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