Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize