I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
