You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
