just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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