But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
