My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
