he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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