Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
