I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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