Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize