I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
