I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
