Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
When are your genitals available?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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