Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
