no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
