I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
