i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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