I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize