You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
