Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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