In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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