Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Let's get the cat blown out
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
