I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
