Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
