Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
