i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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