can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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