wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
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