i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize