when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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