How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
