i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
