Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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