Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
