The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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