Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Randomize
