lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
