Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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