she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
