I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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