Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
