I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize