O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
