i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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