my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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