Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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