i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
