Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
