he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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