Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Randomize
