I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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