boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize
