Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
either way he was missing a nipple.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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