when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
