that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
