wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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