I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
