I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
