gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
