I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
