he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
