I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
